爱就这样错过了
我曾说过，我要靠自己找到最爱的人。可是现在看来，我才发现恋爱是件多么痛苦的事情。甜蜜过后，还剩下了什么？从苦苦的等待到撕心的痛。才发现我不那么适合去自由恋爱。当每次爱情来临的时候，却不知道怎么去处理，怎么去感受。我是否能够把握自己的爱情？我想知道我是不是很花心？我是不是很自恋？我好难过，没有能够了解我内心世界的深处。我应该怎么办？难道真是我自作自受？苍天给我的处罚？我每天都门心自问，每天向佛祖学习。虽然佛教并不是我的信仰，但是我还是愿意学它的好处。可是当我发现要按佛学来做，真的好累啊。谁能成为这个世间上最完美的人呢？我还是宁愿留下一些缺点。没有缺点那就不是人。每个人都有自己不喜欢的人，每个人都有人不喜欢。
我真的好累，每天要让自己做到最好，让自己成为别人眼中的最棒。当我做到了，我却心累了。心累了，却没有人能给我安慰。想让自己来调节一下，发现没有什么用处，还让自己变得更加狼狈。更加孤独。平日里的那些笑容，有谁能知道我是怎么让自己表现出来的。我努力遮掩自己的悲伤，努力让别人看到自己的笑容，可是还是会让别人看到我那面板的表情。这不是我想要的。
当我成为别人的密码箱的时候，给别人装载多少个故事，多少个情感，而我呢？我自己的故事情感能放在哪里呢？当一个人有事情却不能说，那是什么滋味，有谁吃过？喝过？物到了别人的心里就不管了，你可知道别人的心累？你可知道别人知道你是藏不住秘密的。这样，你让别人分担了你的喜怒哀乐，可是你曾想过我的喜怒哀乐？我这个密码箱，锁了多少东西，锁了多少喜怒哀乐。一个的心是有限的，就像一个瓶子，当装满了东西后还能容下其它的吗？我的心装满了别人的心灵故事，却不小心把自己的心流露出来了。
我多么渴望自己的心能够像内存一样能够扩充。但是这怎么可以呢？我多么渴望有个人能一辈子关心我，可是每次相遇，却不能相守。相隔的人却不与相爱，相恋的人不能在一起，我曾口口声声的说，谁爱有谁就来吧，可是呢？我不知道该怎么办了。心好乱，心好烦。要怎么做才能让自己开心一下？又有谁能让自己开心一下呢？我吃醋了，我生气了，我想发泄一下，可是只有一个人。要怎么做？这个世界上，我还有妈妈，姐姐，哥哥。好想他们。当一个人在外面的时候，想家还是那的好。
我本不是那么多愁善感，都是爱情让我变得更加多愁善感。我本不那么伤心，都不爱情让我伤痕累累。我不想爱了，我不想去喜欢了，好累好累，找个好女孩就娶了吧，哪怕不美丽，只要心好，能为我分担心情，。我就知足了。爱可能就不适合我这样多愁善感的人去谈，谈来谈去，到头来还是没有结局，到头来让自己累死累活，。不被祝福的爱情能坚持多久？能够爱多久？我不知道了，我也不想知道了。因为我知道的太多太多了，已经再也装不下那些了。就想娶个老婆平平淡淡的过了这一生。不去追求孟姜女的执著，不去学习白娘子的长相厮守，不羡慕梁祝的美丽爱情。。。只要能够幸福！
我，这一生，爱就这样错过了……….错过，爱过。还能留下什么呢？如此而已。。。。。。
I said, I rely on themselves to find love the most. But now it was, I found that love’s so painful. Sweet after what is left? From the hard waiting to Sixin pain. Only to find I’m not so suitable to free love. When the time comes love, do not know how to deal with, how to feel. Can I take your love? I would like to know that I was not very Fa? I was not very narcissistic? I’m so sad, is not able to understand the depths of my inner world. How should I do? Is it really my own making? Heaven to my punishment? I ask themselves every day, the door every day to learn the Buddha. Although Buddhism is not my faith, but I was willing to learn its benefits. But when I do find that according to Buddhism, really tired ah. Who can become the world’s most perfect people? I would rather leave some shortcomings. It is not without shortcomings were. Everyone has people who do not like that everyone who does not like.
I am really tired every day to make your best, make themselves the best in the eyes of others. When I did, I was tired heart. Mind is tired, no one can give me comfort. Want to adjust your look and found nothing useful, but also allow yourself to become even more embarrassed. More lonely. Normal in those smiles, Who can know how I make out of their own performance. I try to hide their grief, to let others see your smile, but he let other people see my face panel. This is not what I want.
When I become someone else’s password box, give the number of people carrying the story, how many emotions, but me? I can put my emotions the story wrong? When a person can not say anything, that is what it’s like, who is eaten? Drink? Things to other people’s minds on the matter, and you know the heart of another tired? Do you know other people know that you could not hide a secret. In this way, you let other people share your emotions, but you have thought about my emotions? I have the password box, lock the number of things, how many emotions locked. A heart is limited, like a bottle, when filled, after what can only put another one? My heart is filled with stories of other people’s hearts, do not accidentally reveal his heart to the.
How I long for my heart to the same as the memory can be expanded. But how can it do? How I long for individuals to care about my life, but every encounter, but not last somehow. Not separated the people and love people who can not be together in love, I keep saying, Who loves who would come, but it? I do not know how to do. Good heart disorder, heart Hao Fan. How to do to make them smile a little? Who can make them smile for a while? I am jealous, I’m angry, I would like to vent about, but only one person. How? This world, I have a mother, sister, brother. Really want them. When a person is outside, homesick or that good.
I had not so sentimental, love to get me all sentimental. I was not so sad, do not love me scarred. I do not want love, I do not want to like, and tired tired, find a good girl to marry it, even if not beautiful, as long as the heart is good, can I share the feeling. I am satisfied. Love might not be for such a sentimental person, I talk, talk and talk to the end or not end, the end to their exhausted Lei Huo,. Blessings of love can not be how long? How long can love? I do not know, I do not want to know. Because I know too much, and has never not hold these things again. Wanted Qugelaopo flat faint after this life. Not the pursuit of a fairy’s dedication, not to learn the White Lady of the fated, love is not envious of the beautiful Butterfly. . . As long as happiness!
I, in this life, love is missing ………. missed, loved. Can leave behind? Than that. . . . . .
